Painful Growing – Hard but good and necessary

It is always easy to look back and say “Oh well, it was teaching me a lot.”. Being in the moment is a complete different story. A moment as the one I am in right now. God pretty much screwed up all my plans/dreams for the future. At least all the ones that really mattered to me. So, what now?

It is painful, it is hard and it feels just awful. The most awful part is to give up control, to not try it by my own strength. I am a broken man, a fallen human being and not worthy anything at all. That’s how I feel and that’s also what I really am.

There is not much earthly hope left at all, nothing seems to make any sense anymore. But still: God is with me, he always was and though I don’t “feel” it (I’m actually surprised how many feelings I have) he still is. And he is not only there but he has forgiven me, he wants to bless me and he makes me like his own son. That is an honor which takes away all breath and leaves me humbled and amazed behind.

To answer the question why I suffer I had to read a book called “shattered dreams” by Larry Crabb. It really told me a whole lot more about how God loves us. He lets us suffer only for one and one purpose only: To intensify our personal relationship with him. To feel how much we really depend on him and that we are in fact less than nothing without him.

So, despite my current suffers and because I know that it is all for the better, I still praise him in this storm. And I am thankful for this experience to grow with him.